so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had sex on a roof
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
