If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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