Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
