i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
