No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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