im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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