Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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