She said her name was "party"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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