I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
