I just made out with a guy for $7.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
