gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
