you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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