I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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