She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
