He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she peed on how many people?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
