I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
