Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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