One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
