we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
