garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I cockslap morals
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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