how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
