it wasn't lemon gatorade
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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