I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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