Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
