if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
