Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
