Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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