I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
