That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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