When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
