Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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