R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
