How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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