Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
