Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
