Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You have to summon your inner elephant
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So vagazzling was a success
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
