Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
