I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
