i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
