You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
