no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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