I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
