saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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