I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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