why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
