I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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