my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
