I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize