LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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