he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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