Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
