I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
