i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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