Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
