My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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