What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
