Soap is not a condiment
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize