Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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