Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We have started to decorate penises.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
