I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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