Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
