She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
