Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
