Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
