i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
