You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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