I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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