Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can i not drive my cunt home
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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