I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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