I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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