well I can't set my house on fire every night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
