No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
