Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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