I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
