my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
