Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
