youre lurking in front of me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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