get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
