Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to sanitize my soul.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
