Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
