All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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