Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
