I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
