i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Text me some of your sweat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
