i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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